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michaelavena

michaelavena

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Jan 27, 2011
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I take an introductory film at my high school and this is the latest project I've been working on. The project took me about 5 weeks in total from planning, filming and editing. Tell me what you guys think of it. I'd like some last minute criticism before I hand it in. The piece was heavily influenced by Frozen Crossing by CorridorDigital.

 
first impressions

the compression on the radio guys voice is a little too much static. i can barely make out what he's saying. having voice on site usually use it. when you overlay voice on top of original voice mute the on scene talking its kinda funky. and you cant hear the short guy so i don't know what he said.

secondly you probably cant re-shoot but your characters had too much standing around. also the attire they were in was not fit for the scene. shorts really? and it is quite noticeable that you had the same two guys escorting the bad guy. jeans shorts shorts shoes... all the same breaks up your film too much.

again i have to say this is kinda wonky. your continuity is off. shorts and the rest of your clothes is hoodies and such and the time when you filmed this seems like fall but your clothing makes the whole scene look 10x colder. again with coninuity the kids playground in the back messes with your shot as they cross the street. and the counting should not notify the guards to turn. have the shot first then the guards falling. guards should never look directly at the enemy before a shot is fired.

as for the location it looked like an abandoned military base or insane asylum. awesome choice of location...


i really cant say anything else. but put mall music in when people are waiting around and tada its no longer a movie. i cant really say anymore without a complete re shoot.
 
its def a student project but for that level you've done amazingly well.

The good:

- Good choice on the fx ie: gun fire explosion.

- really good deaths on the two men. having them shoot up in the air.

- over all not bad on the voice acting def. really good on the scratchy radio ones thought a little hard to hear.


To help out for future projects:

-Your timing could have been tighter ie reaction to explosion.

-the shots of just standing around with the radio talking should have been more close ups.

-when actor A and B is looking for something your shot should show what that actor is looking at with actor A and B still in the shot.

-also remember that the camera should never cross the line. Not sure if you know about that one. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/180_degree_rule a few times you broke it and it made it a little confusing.


awsome take over all. I think its really a great job.

must of taken a lot of time!
 
quick fixes if you have time. crop some of the shots (making sure the quality is still good) close ups and cropping away the shorts that commander talked about. that would help alot. as well as zoom in on the talking parts with the radio. this would help as well.

remove 129 - 138 making the wait time less long.

move 221-222 after 223 and maybe repeat the gun fire again. or just remove 221-222.

remove 331-333 since that should be going on as we are looking at the explosion.

looks like me and com really got into this haha. well that means we like it and just want to help out. hope it dose!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
key rule i seem to break alot and you do too. NEVER time your video to the music. it just never works.

always edit your video then add the music to compliment.
 
Thanks a lot for all the suggestions. I re-uploaded a new version of the piece, which is posted below.

Commander; it was about 25 or 30 degrees F when I filmed this, I didn't think I would need to tell anyone not to wear shots lol. And you guessed right, I filmed at Kings Park Psychiatric Center. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kings_Park_Psychiatric_Center
Thanks for the tip on letting the music compliment the video rather than timing the music to the video. I never thought of it like that and I've always edited the video according to the music.

lofp; I'll definitely keep those tips in mind when working on my next piece, as well as the other things both you and Commander said. We learned about the 180 rule in the beginning of the year, but I sort of forgot about it haha.

Here is the list of things I fixed up based on the suggestions you guys gave me:
-Removed 1:29 to 1:38
-Removed 2:21 to 2:22
-Zoomed in on some shots to reduce the amount of time people are just standing around


I couldn't fix the radio voices though.
 
you know much better. still some things that are hit and miss. but that would need a full retake over all the zooms made it more intense and more interesting. as well as each scene looked more unique.

very good. hope you do well on it!
 
you know now that I think about it, if the place was open when you filmed this, there was prob a increase in some patients thinking that assasins where coming to kill them...


"I saw them outside my window! they had guns and masks!"


hahah
 
aweome much much better. walking scene with from the car can be cut shorter into the next shot where they are near the curb. and the guy running away can be cut shorter also.

only other note would be can you up the voice of the skinny guy. use volume controls or something. you should be able to cut his voice in another layer of the program your using (unless its windows movie maker) and increase the sound for him.


lofp: that complex closed in 1996 no psych patients now.. however that would be an awesome place to do some modern exploring for good pictures.
 
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